So since I last posted, well, a lot has happened. There were a couple big fights. After one not so fun one, I made the decision to leave for a bit and visit my mom. Not leaving hubs per se, more just to recharge and take care of myself. I'm not so happy with who I'm turning into. I'm a paranoid, insecure, snappy person and it's just not a fun way to live life. I've lost 12 pounds in less than a month. I feel like I needed to focus on me me for a bit. I need to to be a better mother to baby L.
I made a one way ticket to go visit my mom. From the decision to me actually leaving, it was only three days. Shittiest part of all of it was to tell my stepkids that I was going. Little T wanted to know when I was coming back. I think he knows something is up, but at 9, can't formulate the questions. Big T was a wreck. Begging us not to get divorced, sobbing, everything. Broke my heart. She knew that me all of a sudden going away wasn't a good thing. I love those kids so much. They've been a part of my life for the last 7 years. Big T knows a litle bit of what's going on. Not the details, obviously, but some stuff.
My hope in going was to be able to take care of myself and give hubs some space as well as maybe a little of absence makes the heart grow fonder kind of thing. I truly believe that he hasn't cheated on me but I don't trust this girl he was talking to. She is way too interested in my husband. I found out through a friend that she is friends with some guys and one of them is married. Apparently his wife is none too happy either. I did tell my husband that I don't give a shit that she is bigger than me, I'd kick her ass. Not my most mature moment, but shit, I've been the only mature one thus far.
So now I'm sitting here 5,000+ miles from my home. I'm in 6 degree weather. I am cold. And miserable. Ive only been gone for a few days. I get glimpses of hope though. We are communicating via phone and text way more than before. There's been a couple of jokes and references to our future and our life. I'm hoping and praying, even though I'm not the praying type, cause, well, I have to. I can't give up. That's not an option. At the end of the day, I love my husband and I can't imagine not being married to him. We'd definitely need major counseling if all goes well,but thats ok.
In other more pleasant news, Baby L is walking more and more. She's getting braver and braver and it's amazing to watch. She turns one next month and that boggles my mind. She has finally completely mastered how to sign milk despite my half-ass teachings. Hopefully that means she won't just pull my shirt down at her desire. Her eczema is flaring up. I think the stress she has sensed from me plus the frigid weather we are now in has been a junk combo.
Off to bed I hope. Jet lag sucks. My goal is to wake up before noon tomorrow. It's 2 am now so I think it's plausible.
Glad you updated. I've been stalking you a bit checking to see how things are going. A break away at your mum's sounds like a good idea. Face to face communication sometimes just heats you up far too much. We had a huge argument the other night (about the woman he txts) and he ended up saying that I obviously didn't want him to have a mobile so he promptly smashed it on the ground outside and went to bed. It was very childish - and unfortunately didn't break his phone and he has to use it with masking tape now :) idiot. A good shag, a weekend with the kids and we are back to avoiding the topic as usual.
ReplyDeleteHoping you don't have to be at your mums too long and he tells/asks you to come home soon.
Other wise - congratulations on turning one soon baby L. Hope her eczema calms down and you can enjoy some time with your mum.
xxx
Thanks GW. I've been keeping up with your blog but slipped into a little bit of a funk. Couldn't even bring myself to comment as sad as that sounds.
DeleteYou made me smile with the thought of your hubs walking around with a taped up phone. I'm sorry you guys had an argument and hope all is well.
xxxxx
I think that is a good thing you are doing, meaning going to your mom's for a bit. Like you said concentrate on you and baby L. Recharge and somehow being with your mom will be good for you. Parents always make things seem better. And I believe it too, absence does make the heart grow fonder. He'll miss you and the baby dearly, I am sure. And the texts you and the hubby are doing and communication sounds promising.
ReplyDeleteThis woman though. OMG! Horrible human being! And she is also talking to yet another married man? There's just no other nice way to say it but, she's a real living and breathing "home wrecker". She seriously is. She sounds absolutely awful.
LOL about baby L pulling your shirt up. Branden and Noah used to do that to me also. Noah pulled mine up at a Safeway when he was a little babe. My face turned bright red. Also Noah has terribly dry skin. And in Winter it's even worse. So, I am hoping baby L's eczema calms down.
Thanks Gina. I'm on a hunt for a new lotion. It's made by Neosporin and supposed to be really good for eczema. The reviews online looked promising. Target was sold out here. The Baby Aveeno eczema lotion works really well, I use it too.
ReplyDeleteSigh, yes, I don't quite care for this other woman. Makes me sad that my husband can't even see it. I have hope that he will soon enough.