limbo

What is one's breaking point? That's something that I've asked myself one hundred million times in the last few months. Because before all this, I thought my breaking point was when I found out my husband was having an affair. Or maybe when I had to listen to the other women tell me how much he cared for her and how "he never wanted to have a kid with me" (yeah, she really said that). Or I thought it definitely would be when he didn't come to me begging for my forgiveness. Or maybe it should've been after not hearing him say I love you in months. Or maybe....

I could rattle a list of reasons why I thought I would've left him by now. And I have only two reasons why I stay. One, I love him. Plain and simple. Two, and this is a big one, I have a hard time accepting this person who is supposedly my husband is really him. I mean, these last 7 months is completely different than his previous 36 years on this planet. His parents and sister don't understand how and why he's changed so much. His ex-wife doesn't understand what happened to him. We're friends now and she has told me that when B and I got together, she felt like he met his soulmate. He's this man who doesn't care if he goes days without seeing his kids. The man I met would drop anything for his kids and would get choked up every time he had to say goodbye to them. I keep thinking that he just needs to snap out of it. And I keep waiting. But at what point do I say, ok, I've waited and I've tried and I need to move on? If he doesn't want to change or better himself, then I can't make him. I don't know what to do.